


Episode 5 - Season 5 - Magnus

by tailsbeth



Series: Season 5 - Magnus [5]
Category: SKAM (Norway)
Genre: F/M, Gen, Mental Health Issues, Season/Series 05
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-05
Packaged: 2019-11-12 08:39:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 2,254
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18007532
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tailsbeth/pseuds/tailsbeth
Summary: Magnus Fossbakken is entering his final year of school and everything seems to be cracking, including himself. When the family have to come home early from their holiday because his Mum has another manic episode, Magnus starts a journey to rock bottom. He's scared, numb, frustrated and he has no idea how to handle it. When poor decisions make things go from bad to worse, Magnus has to learn how to get back up again and talk to the people who care for him.[Entry for Skam Big Bang 2019]





	1. lørdag 11:07 [09/09/17]

It’s a relatively busy day at Even’s work, he is well overdue his break. There’s smooth jazz playing with a side of clinking mugs. There is laughter from a couple in the furthest corner, Even grins at an old lady he is serving tea to.

There’s a loud crash as the door slams [shut](https://open.spotify.com/track/35AMzu4ffA14Cf9myjhbSf?si=EJeBoWXdS_apf9_iCLXOWw), Magnus is standing looking around swiftly. His hair is sticking up at all angles and there’s a mark on his jeans. Even grabs the tray from the next table and sees Magnus at the door. He paces over and goes to place a hand on Magnus’s shoulder but flinches away.

‘Why didn’t you tell me I kissed you Even? Were you really going to say nothing?’ Magnus is on the verge of shouting. There’s a slight sweat on his brow and his stare is drilling a hole into Even’s head.

‘Wait here, we’ll go outside. Just take a breath Mags.’

‘Don’t ‘Mags’ me,’ there is venom in his voice, Even is actually shaken by it. He quickly goes behind the counter to talk to his supervisor. Magnus can feel eyes on him everywhere, his heartbeat rises. Even comes back with a cup of water and opens the door for Magnus. They go back into the cool air, the heat of summer has finally started to dull.

‘Here, take a sip.’

‘Distracting me so I don’t kiss you again?’

Even exhales and drinks the water himself. Magnus’s hands are twitching. He itches at his leg a few times.

‘Can you at least let me talk without some snippy comment? You don’t suit being a dick Magnus.’

That stops Magnus in his tracks. He hadn’t realised quite how harsh he was being. He mumbled an apology, folding his arms over himself. Have to rein it in.

‘I get it, it’s pretty messed up. When I texted you the next day, I was seeing how you were but also to see if you remembered it. You were out of control.’

Magnus gulps, he has heard what feels like a hundred different variants of this sentence. But coming from Even, who was practically sober that night, makes it sting all the more.

‘I wasn’t planning on telling Vilde. I want to tell Isak, I know he’ll understand. I just needed a bit of time to access the situation.’

‘And were you planning on telling me?’ Magnus asks, a little calmer. Even nods and takes a gulp of water.

‘Eventually yes. But if I was the only one in the know, I didn’t think it was as urgent for you to know.’

‘Well you’re not the only one in the know. Eva saw us.’

‘Fuck.’

Magnus pushes down a laugh. His emotions were leading him in every direction right now.

‘My reaction exactly.  She’s threatening to tell Vilde if I don’t. I can’t risk losing her over some stupid mistake,’ his voice cracks, tears swell in his eyes. He tries to wipe his face before Even can notice but Even quickly passes him a napkin from his apron.

‘She’ll understand. It’ll be alright.’

Magnus stands wiping snot away. He swallows, the taste of salt on his tongue. He turns and looks at the water in Even’s hand, wishing he hadn’t turned it away.

‘Can I have some water now?’ He asks tearfully. Even gives him a soft smile and puts an arm around his shoulder.

‘Of course you can Mags.’


	2. tirsdag 09:46 [12/09/17]

[Magnus](https://open.spotify.com/track/03CLsFk6JSz301bKuukPSD?si=rb2li6ScTFSKWxTh5DwkMg) has never been so thankful for a diagram in geography. With each section, he takes extra care in colouring, putting pressure on the pencil as if it will perform better. The red section is large, and he repeats stroke after stroke, back and forth. He keeps swallowing a empty ball, desperate to keep his stress down. His hand is cramping up, but he continues with the red. Got to finish it. His heart quickens with every mark but he cannot stop, he is fixated.

Mahdi stares at him unflinchingly, his frantic colour distracting him with its noise.

‘Cool it on the colouring Magnus,’ he jokes uneasily. Magnus doesn’t take him in at all, Mahdi puts an hand on his arm and Magnus looks at him as if he’s an alien. His face is ghostly pale, as if all the colour has ran from his cheeks to the page. Magnus is breathing in short puffs, he doesn’t blink.

‘You okay?’

Magnus drops the pencil to the floor and runs out of the classroom. His vision blurs, his school suddenly feels like a foreign country. He ambles to the toilet quickly, making it to a cubicle in time to throw up. He sits on the cold floor, his chest rising up and down violently as he struggles to breathe calmly.

‘Magnus, are you in here?’ Mahdi’s voice echoes into the room. Magnus sticks a hand out of the cubicle, he can’t speak just yet. Mahdi kneels down next Magnus, he takes his hand and grips it tight.

‘I think you’re having a panic attack. You need to inhale through your nose, exhale through your mouth. Okay?’ Mahdi speaks calmly but his eyes are wide. This isn’t a Magnus he has ever met before. Magnus nods and Mahdi starts to breathe with him. They inhale and exhale until Magnus starts to come back down, everything comes into focus, only the edge blurring with the tears in his eyes.

‘Better?’

‘Yeah, yeah, better. Thank you Mahdi.’

Magnus squeezes his hand, as if to say its okay to let go but he doesn’t just yet. Magnus rubs his chest with his free hand, it aches just to breathe. His heart has finally crawled back down his throat.

‘What’s going on bro?’

‘Just stress with school and home. Mum’s going through some stuff. Guess it’s just getting to me more than I thought.’

Magnus grabs some toilet paper from the holder above him and wipes his face. The two boys sit there, breathing in sync. Magnus stares straight ahead, he knows Mahdi is looking at him.

‘Can we just keep this between us? I really don’t want any more fuss than there needs to be,’ Magnus pleads. Mahdi bites his lip, unsure what to do.

‘Okay. But you talk to me or the boys if you need to. No keeping shit in, alright?’

‘Deal.’


	3. tirsdag 16:05 [12/09/17]

Magnus and Vilde walk hand in hand, Magnus is all too aware that his hand is clammy. Vilde chatters on, Magnus occasionally nods or gives a ‘mhmm’, he is playing the part of the doting boyfriend. A role he used to be good at, it was effortless. Now everything feels forced.

Magnus’s eyes wander, the trees are starting to malt. Their leaves are still green but they curl at the edges. The temperature isn’t as warm as autumn’s spell starts to take hold. Magnus loves autumn, not only because of his birthday but all the colours.

‘Oh, Eva said you wanted to talk to me about something?’

Magnus is jolted back into reality by the mention of Eva’s name. He swallows hard. His brain scrambles for an excuse, he isn’t ready to tell her just yet.

‘I just wondered if there was anything major I missed at the meeting this morning? I am technically part of the bus, right?’

Vilde grins and kisses Magnus gently on the cheek. Magnus sighs in relief as Vilde starts to summarise what happened at this morning’s bus meeting. Magnus goes back to his routine of occasional responses, all too aware of the ticking time bomb he had in his head. He would defuse it. He could fix this.


	4. onsdag 17:18 [13/09/17]

[The](https://open.spotify.com/track/7v6GcmqwTqrVgcvBHorZam?si=DAwit3T5TlCqySwUYmxZsQ) house is still and silent when Magnus gets home. He dumps his stuff by the door and collapses onto the living room sofa. It feels soft on his face as he curls up his knees. He hugs himself, squeezing tight as he begins to cry. The tears roll over the curve of his nose and blot the sofa. Magnus doesn’t even flinch. He tries to wipe his face but his tears are quickly replaced by more. There’s a yearning to let go completely, but he feels numb. It’s like his emotions have left him completely. There is nothing left to feel.

‘Magnus, is that you?’ Mum looks over the sofa and see Magnus’s bloodshot eyes and the wet spots on the sofa. She sits down, edging in and holding up Magnus’s head onto her lap. She strokes his hair while he grips onto her knee. He closes his eyes, his lids feel heavy. Whenever Mum played with his hair, it was like a tactile lullaby.

‘I missed you Mama,’ he whispered in a half slumber. Mum smiled with glassy eyes. She pulled over the blanket hanging over the back of the sofa.

‘I miss you too.’


	5. Text - onsdag 20:22 [13/09/17]

Even: I’m telling Isak tonight.

Magnus: Please don’t. I’m not ready to deal with this right now

M: Please Even

E: Tell Vilde.

E: Everything will be okay. Vilde isn’t dumping you any time soon

M: Please

M: Just a few more days

E: I’m sorry I can’t keep it from Isak


	6. torsdag 14:01 [14/09/17]

Magnus has his hood pulled up as he heads for his locker. The contents are neatly organised thanks to Vilde, there’s a heart shaped post-it on the door from before summer.

‘Love you baby <3’ it reads. Magnus forces a smile, it should make him happy. Vilde makes him happy. So why risk that?

‘Magnus, can we talk?’

He turns to see Isak, who has a sympathetic frown on his face. Magnus just nods, struggling to even look Isak in the eyes. Isak walks ahead and they find an empty classroom to talk in. Magnus closes the door behind him but stands close. He wants to stick near an exit, he has seen Isak’s anger and it’s not pretty.

‘So Even told me what happened. Says you can’t remember a thing?’

‘Yeah, the night is still a complete mystery to me bro.’

Isak looks outside, he seems surprisingly calm. He follow the tiny people around the courtyard. Magnus steps closer, looking for any sort of sign. Isak turns around and sees Magnus’s pleading eyes.

‘I’m obviously a little annoyed. But I get it, you were out of it. And I mean I know my boyfriend’s irresistible.’

Magnus chuckles, Isak opens his arms out for a hug. Magnus gladly accepts, engulfing Isak with his arms. He takes a deep breath, patting Isak on the back.

‘I am sorry Isak. It was a shitty thing to do.’

Isak waves him off, shaking his head.

‘Don’t worry about us. You need to tell Vilde.’

‘God you sound like Even. He been far too much of a good influence on you, man.’

Isak smiles smugly, and heads for the door. He pauses and turns back to Magnus for a moment.

‘Just tell her, okay? It needs to be you.’

Magnus scratches his neck a second too long. He looks at the ground before agreeing with Isak.

‘Tomorrow, I’ll tell her tomorrow. I promise.’


	7. Text - torsdag 19:19 [14/09/17]

Magnus - Want to hang after school tomorrow? Coffee and cake date? <3

Vilde - Sounds perfect, I am so fed up with school…

V: You’re just the something sweet I need ;)

M: God we’re so cheesy

M: I love it though. Never change baby xxx

V: <3


	8. fredag 12:31 [15/09/17]

‘What we doing for lunch? I am starving,’ Magnus enquires as the boys gather in the courtyard. He had a real appetite for the first time in days. His stomach grumbles as the boys mumble amongst themselves, debating various options.

‘McDonalds?’

‘Kebab?’

‘Anything will do. As long as its food, I’m happy,’ Magnus declares, fed up. The boys finally agree on kebabs and start to head towards the gate where Even has just turned up.

[‘Magnus](https://open.spotify.com/track/12QnEWLgxMJcbuPLXxqDGJ?si=ePLYBR-MQz6KNZrio_ELPA) Fossbakken!’

They turn around to see a flustered Vilde, her face flushed. The girls stride behind her, Eva up front.

‘Oh fuck,’ Magnus utters, he looks to Isak for any sort of support. Even joins them quickly, ready to break up any fights.

‘Are you for real Magnus? Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I was going to. I had no idea it even happened. I can’t remember a thing from that night,’ Magnus pleads, unaware of the stares coming from behind him. Jonas and Mahdi exchange baffled looks.

‘You should have told me as soon as you found out. As soon as! Not hours, not days after.’

Even slinks around the boys, ready to help if necessary.

‘Even, you clearly remembered it. Why didn’t you me or tell Magnus? That’s messed up, you were gonna keep this weird secret.’

Even looks to the floor shamefully. Isak takes his hand and gives it a little squeeze.

‘Leave Even out of this. I was the idiot who got black out drunk, I was the idiot who fucked up. And I’m so sorry Vilde. Please forgive me.’

Vilde’s brow creases as she stares into Magnus’s eyes and right into his soul. He longed to just grab hold of her and kiss her and makes everything okay. It wasn’t meant to happen like this. It wasn’t meant to happen like this.

‘Were you ever going to tell me?’ She asks more quietly. Magnus nods, trying not to cry.

‘Today, after school,’ he whispers. Vilde squeezes her eyes shut, a tear leaks out and she backs away.

‘I need some time,’ she replies and walks off, the girls give Magnus disappointed stares one by ones. He clasps his head in his hands and drops to his knees. The boys surround him, with questions, with support, with love.


End file.
